Professional Reading: Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute

During the lockdown I've engaged with the book Leadership and Self-Deception.

Key ideas in the text: Self-Deception (being in the box) and Self-betrayal

What is Self-Deception? 
Self-deception or "being in the box" as it's referred to in the book is not being able to see when you are the problem. This often comes from seeing others as objects rather than people with their own goals, aims, feelings, aspirations and so on. In our interactions with others we often to to mask our attitudes towards certain colleagues with a veneer of politeness or professionalism. However, as the video below makes clear, people often respond to how we feel about them on the inside  -  our feelings, no matter how hard we try, betray us in the end.

What is Self Betrayal?
Self betrayal is acting contrary to what we think we should do. It leads to the very behaviour that thrives when we are in the box. An example could be, not saying this is true but . . .

one of my children are calling out for help with a game downstairs.

My sense is: "I should go and help them" but
I betray it and and I don't go downstairs to help - I continue working.

I begin to justify it by inflating my own virtues, "I have loads of work to do, I'm a good husband, I do loads of other things to support."

I then inflate the faults of my partner, "I have far more work to do than her, does she not appreciate how busy I am?"

This leads to me being in the box - I see my world in a self- justifying way. My virtues inflated. . .

How does Self-Betrayal connect to Self-Deception? 

Below is from the text.

1. An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of "self-betrayal." 
2. When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal. 
3. When I see the world in a self-justifying way, my view of reality becomes distorted. 
4. So-when I betray myself, I enter the box.
5. Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me. 
6. By being in the box, I provoke others to be in the box. 
7. In the box, we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification. We collude in giving each other reason to stay in the box

How do we get out of the box? 

1. Seeing others as people with goals, aims, aspirations equal to that of our own. 
2. Know that I'm in the box - awareness. 

Useful pdf from the The Arbinger Institute: https://arbingerinstitute.com/Download/Leadership%20and%20Self-Deception%20-%20Diagrams%20-%2020181023.pdf